I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
