Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just gargled with NyQuil
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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