I think my vagina is haunted
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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