I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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