Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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