My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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