i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
