I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
