She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
