I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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