I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
