the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
