FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
