don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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