somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You can't just leave with hair like that
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
