loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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