Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
