then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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