this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
