Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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