Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
