Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
