glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
