I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
