so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
