I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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