hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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