Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
