ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
