In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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