I think I am morally bankrupt
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
