i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
