I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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