Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
not ubering you a puppy
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
