Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
