3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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