I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
