went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
