Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
How's work?
Spinning.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
