my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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