turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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