Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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