one might say we're banned from that church
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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