tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
