Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
