So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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