She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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