The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
