That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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