my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
