hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
