babies were throwing up all over the place
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
