Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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